my mouth tastes like poor choices
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
bring money and cleavage
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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