I want to have your abortion
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize