im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
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Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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