I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am midnight drunk by noon
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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