Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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