Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize