I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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