What a fucking waste of an outfit
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
tell me about the fingering
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