Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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