Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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