I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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