and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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