Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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