when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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