capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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