Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i think i have two assholes
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
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I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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