i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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