So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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