I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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