Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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