I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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