Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize