...so i touched it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize