fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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