Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize