I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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