i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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