I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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