i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize