you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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