Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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