maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize