so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
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Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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