I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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