i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
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Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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