its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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