Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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