my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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