I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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