Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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