I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize