Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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