So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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