I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
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We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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