So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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