Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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