Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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