9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize