I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize