You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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